i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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