I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
