I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
