I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
