Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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