Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
