Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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