I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
