i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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