apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
