Can Purell be used as lube?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
