Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
