Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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