ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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