I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
