this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Less talking, more tequila
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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