Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
