I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I intend to get homeless drunk
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
