I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
