I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
