I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
