don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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