If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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