i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
