Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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