I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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