He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will pee on everything he values.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My bed smells like the plague
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
