Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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