tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
