he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
