someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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