I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
