What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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