You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
