She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
