Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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