dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
