i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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