You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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