the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
