Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize