So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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