Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
