i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish i was in the wii world.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
