i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the condom got lost in my hair
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize