i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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