I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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