This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
