Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
