I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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