Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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