my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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