good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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