if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
