why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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