i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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