I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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