Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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