i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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