there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
