Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
