I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
