I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
