Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
