I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Found the puke drawer
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
