hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
too bad you live with your parents still
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
