There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So here I am, sexting at work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
