I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
