I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
