I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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