I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
