I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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