I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
