i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to get me chipped asap
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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