he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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