he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
