i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
