i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
