Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
