I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
