Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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