yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
