I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
