At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
