It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
