If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
tell me about the fingering
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
