apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i need some magic done to my vagina
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
